All over the place :)

Hello! Wow, it's been a long time since I posted last! Yikes!

So...got my RIF notice... still don't have a call back but I am cautiously optimistic. I am the first teacher called back and our numbers are looking encouraging...fingers crossed! With being RIFed I can't seem to find my summer excitement this year. It just doesn't feel right to be on summer break and not know when I'll be going back to school. I feel like I can't relax yet. I sure hope I get a call back soon so I can settle in and enjoy some time off with my family.

So we're on day 3 of summer vacation :) Dax and I... I mean I have gotten a lot accomplished really :) The main flower beds are now pretty much weed free-- pretty sure they are never 100% weed free--- the garden has things growing in it AND I've already harvest a row of radishes! Dustin has been working his tail off to improve the look of the place-- old ratty fence torn down, weeds have been mowed to blend them in with everything else (ha!), and coming up with some ideas for other projects around the place. :) Speaking of projects, one of them will be a CHICKEN COOP!! We have 6 Buff Orpington chicks growing like crazy in a brooder in our kitchen. Yahoo! Dustin's Dad has taken on the task of creating a future home for them and Dustin and I... I mean Dustin... will be creating a run to add to it. I am so excited to have chickens on the farm. I am told that there were chickens here many, many years ago but never when I could remember. They were butcher chickes though... not these girls though. Hopefully these girls will help control the bug population and maybe we'll get an egg or two to enjoy from time to time. :)

We also recently had SEVEN kittens from two different mamas kitties. Two went to new homes yesterday so we're down to FIVE, anyone want a kitten?? They are all up for adoption!! Once they are gone our Mamas are going to be fixed so we won't have this problem any more. Ha!

Dax is growing like a weed! I can't believe how much bigger he seems to me lately, may be because several of our friends have had babies lately giving me a perspective on how grown up Dax has become. He does love those little babies too! My friend Carley had a super sweet little boy, Eli who Dax fell madly in love with and held for quite awhile. I was so surpised at how still he sat just watching baby Eli. What a love he is! Dax is also quite the mimic which is usually very funny! He has said a many things that make us laugh out loud-- including telling me to 'go to the corner' when he found a pen mark on my arm while grocery shopping. He has become very sensitive to sounds. Things like the lawn mower and 4-wheeler that never used to bother him at all now have him saying 'I don't like it' but will gladly go for a ride. We'll see how this plays out at the mudbog this weekend... luckily he has headphones to wear to drown out the noise a little. I sure hope his love for the trucks outweighs his nervous-ness about them.


So that's the short update on what's been happening around here. Hopefully I'll be better about posting this summer. With any luck my next post will be I GOT MY JOB BACK!!!

finding some peace

So it seems as though I will be joining the ranks of the unemployed at least temporarily. While I haven't officially gotten a RIF notice, We know that the district is going to keep 12 teaching positions--- I'm #13 in seniority... you do the math. Being #13 though also means that I should be the first teacher called back. It's supposed to be a call back by seniority.

I titled this blog, finding some peace, because I've been trying to do that. I've found peace in the idea that I'll get to be a stay at home Mom to Dax- HELLO I've always wanted to be a stay at home Mom. I find peace in knowing that for at least a year we will be 'okay' financially- my unemployment will be roughly what I take home after taxes/health insurance/ and other with-holdings currently. I've found peace that I will be able to be a substitute teacher again- loved that before I got this job. I find peace in this may be a great opportunity to see what else is out there. I find peace in thinking that it might be fun to write blog posts about how a Stay at home/substitute teacher keeps busy. I find peace in finally having my own classroom...maybe.

For me it's kind of odd to find peace in this because I usually would be a basket case at something happening that is outside of my control. In the past I would have already dropped 10 pounds from being sick with anxiety. So far that hasn't happened. For me it's kind of weird to have 'normal' feelings and basically let go of that which I can't control. I think it has helped me to figure out which school districts I would be willing to drive to for a job-- it's pretty far reaching. If this does nothing else it is reaffirming the fact that when I do feel anxious I need to find the things I can control and hold on to them. To do what I can to help the situation but to also not panic over the things I cannot control. This is big for me.

10 on 10 April

I've decided to modify the 'rules' of 10 on 10 so that I can be more successful... I have decided that instead of 10 pictures from 10 hours in a row (or as close as possible to that) that I am going to try for 10 pictures from the 10th day of each month. It's just the way it's going to have to be. :) Enjoy..

7:45am 

We got to jump out of bed this morning and chase the cows back into the field... too bad they ignored the open gate and all 7 jumped over the fence breaking the top board. Dustin patched things together so my Dad could cover over after work and give it a more sturdy fix. Stupid cows!

12:30 am 

Posted a new blog post. I really, really like the format/backdrop of my blog currently.

Don't think it will be changed for quite awhile. :)

2:39pm 

THIS is what Dax looks like right after his nap.

Gotta love that hair!

3:45pm 

Dax just about couldn't WAIT for Mommy to get off work so we could go for a walk.

I just love his cowboy boots and so does he!

.

4:01pm 

Headed to the end of the driveway to check the mail!

4:20pm

4-wheeler ride with Papa to go fix the fence. 

 5:30pm
My garden frog and spring tulips coming up

STILL 5:30pm
This little man opened the door for me :)

 6:15pm
My very first PINK daffodil!
 I didn't even know they existed!

8:30pm
All ready for bed!

I used to be silly

Today I was reading a post from another blogger about how full her childhood was which got me thinking about mine and THEN got me thinking about what the heck happened to me??? I used to be so silly! I was in drama plays which had me on stage in front of hundreds of people (silliest was being in the Velveteen Rabbit as a bunny) OO I was in a traveling roadshow in which I had to sing and dance in front of my peers from different schools, I was part of our local Jr. Miss program and did a monologue as an evil stepsister, I used to perform every year with one of my best friends in our school talent show-- we would lip sync to  rather adult songs and just be silly on stage-including throwing candy into the audience! Bubba Shot the Jukebox and Any Man of Mine (there was a 3rd but I can't remember what it was) have special memories that I hold near and dear to my heart. PLUS I am an elementary teacher! Being silly is in our BLOOD!

In thinking about it, I'm pretty sure I pinpointed when this change happened... it was a series of years that ended in what I call 'the divorce' in which I wasn't forced but wasn't encouraged, for sure, to not be as outgoing and active in areas that pushed me outside of my comfort zone. I became a firm resident of the comfort zone. I have always wished I had not given up on what I loved to do. Oh well, can't back that up, can just move forward. Having a 2 year old definitely helps to find the silly again. We dance and run and laugh a lot!

I'm working on finding the silly again. :)

LOVE this boy!

Dax is two and a half and SO much fun! I LOVED the baby stage of his life (and miss it something fierce) but am really enjoying my silly, curious, loving little boy! For me he just turned into a little boy these last few weeks. He sits by me on the couch now instead of always in my lap. He answers questions and can recount parts of his day. He remembers his friends names and talks about them all the time. He has a 'girlfriend' :) Miss Alli and Dax hold hands at daycare, walk up and down the hall holding hands and I hear they squable like a little old married couple. Alli's Mom is one of my sweet friends so I am so happy she and Dax are such good buddies. They have gone to daycare together since they were about 6 and 9 months old. Dax LOVES going to daycare and will sometimes ask to go to 'Eens' (Maureen's) house at random times when we're home. He hardly even says by to me when we get there because he's so excited to play with his friends.

Dax has a serious soft spot for animals. He adores his two kittens-- who are now turning into big kitties--our dogs Axle and Dakota, the pets at daycare, and of course, the cows! He thinks the cows are pretty way cool and is so happy Papa got him some more to watch. :) His most recent excitement is seeing 'melk' (elk) with Papa. It's been several days since he's seem them and if you ask him what he say with Papa, he'll say 'see melk.'

Here are some pictures. I can always tell when I've either been busy or really stressed out because we have hardly ANY pictures!

New Mom advice...

I went to one of my sweet friend's surprise mini baby shower yesterday and at one point our friend who organized the shower said she had hoped to create little note cards for all of us to write our advice to her on. I wasn't sure if anyone would be offended by what I would have written... here it is:

The best new mom advice I ever got after having Dax...

Ask when you don't know or are worried about something BUT
if your gut tells you something else, listen to it.
Sometimes the best advice is to NOT listen to every other Mom telling you
what she did, didn't do, would never do or thinks every mom should do.
Sometimes the best advice is to be YOUR child's Mom and figure it out for yourself.

I believe this came from my Mom during one of my crying fits. :)

While I have a very sweet friend who is my 'go to' with Dax questions or pretty much any quesiton under the sun, I have learned over the last two and a half years that really, truly it is best to go with what your gut is telling you when it comes to baby 'things.' I have heard too many stories about how a parent listened to their internal voice and saved their child from getting much sicker or even their life. I think my problem is I have always had an anxiety problem and whenever anything out of the normal comes up, I immediately think the worst-- I have been blessed though to not have my major anxiety attacks anymore. Those were the worst... okay getting off subject...

Being a Mom or Dad is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise. While it is full of hugs, kisses, snuggles and silly stories to tell, it is also full of tantrums, scrapes, bruises, talking back or not listening at all. It's full of HARD decisions every day but it is also the most rewarded job around.

 I am so blessed to be part of a team raising Dax. Dustin is the best and when I am about to lose my mind he seems to always swoop in with either his Daddy voice or his big arms to scoop Dax up and redirect him. THIS is why we're supposed to be with a partner when raising children because doing it on your own would be very, VERY hard! Not impossible, of course, but much harder.

I am blessed. I love my family!

RIF

I've started this post several times over the last few weeks but each time I started it I would get to a certain point and hit delete. Why? Wanting to not admit out loud what I fear may happen and because of that word 'may' and 'might' and 'hopefully not.' I'm trying very hard to be optimistic but my optimism keeps waning.

Our district is facing a possible RIF or basically releasing some of us from employment. It's scary. It makes my stomach hurt and for the first time, it makes me cry. Come June I will have completed my 5th year with our organization.

 I've been a teacher for 5.4 years in June which blows my mind but I also can't believe that after 5 years I'm now facing not having the job that I have grown so accustom to. Facing instability that I thought I had avoided by staying in one spot and not trying out other positions. There have been other teaching jobs that have come up and I haven't even glanced their way because why would I leave a stable job? Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had left a few years ago. I don't want to leave though. I love having a job that allows me to work full time while also watching my son grow in front of my eyes. Heck, I love having a full time job.

I am not good at being unemployed--- since I was 12 years old I've had some kind of employment- babysitting, retail, office assistant, lifeguard, substitute teacher and classroom teacher. I don't know how to be unemployed and having a child makes it that much scarier to me. I am thankful there are programs out there that can help me insure that he will have health insurance. I know that we will be able to have food on the table and a roof over our heads but the things we don't expect like illness and injury scare me. That part makes me want to cry that much more. I feel like if I lose this job that I will be failing to provide the life for Dax that I want so badly for him. I know that he will always be loved, fed, dressed and safe but it's those silly things like- I want him to have new toys and new clothes each time he grows out of the old. This is something that I will have to work through and get over.

The good part of a RIF? I've been trying to come up with those just to give myself a positive spin. So here goes... more time with Dax unless I find another full time job, subbing- I love being a substitute teacher and have missed the classroom so much over the last few years, exploring the possibilities of a new career or occupation (not sure this is all good but could be), maybe going back to school to add an endorsement to my qualifications or to learn a new trade, and having lots of free time... The other perk to being a teacher is that I will still have a pay check until August. This gives me a couple months to concentrate exclusively on finding new employment-- when I'm not snuggling with Dax.

If you're still reading this, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to 'listen.'

I won't know anything for sure until May 15th (possibly earlier but that's highly unlikely) will update when I know something for sure.