RIF

I've started this post several times over the last few weeks but each time I started it I would get to a certain point and hit delete. Why? Wanting to not admit out loud what I fear may happen and because of that word 'may' and 'might' and 'hopefully not.' I'm trying very hard to be optimistic but my optimism keeps waning.

Our district is facing a possible RIF or basically releasing some of us from employment. It's scary. It makes my stomach hurt and for the first time, it makes me cry. Come June I will have completed my 5th year with our organization.

 I've been a teacher for 5.4 years in June which blows my mind but I also can't believe that after 5 years I'm now facing not having the job that I have grown so accustom to. Facing instability that I thought I had avoided by staying in one spot and not trying out other positions. There have been other teaching jobs that have come up and I haven't even glanced their way because why would I leave a stable job? Sometimes I wonder where I would be if I had left a few years ago. I don't want to leave though. I love having a job that allows me to work full time while also watching my son grow in front of my eyes. Heck, I love having a full time job.

I am not good at being unemployed--- since I was 12 years old I've had some kind of employment- babysitting, retail, office assistant, lifeguard, substitute teacher and classroom teacher. I don't know how to be unemployed and having a child makes it that much scarier to me. I am thankful there are programs out there that can help me insure that he will have health insurance. I know that we will be able to have food on the table and a roof over our heads but the things we don't expect like illness and injury scare me. That part makes me want to cry that much more. I feel like if I lose this job that I will be failing to provide the life for Dax that I want so badly for him. I know that he will always be loved, fed, dressed and safe but it's those silly things like- I want him to have new toys and new clothes each time he grows out of the old. This is something that I will have to work through and get over.

The good part of a RIF? I've been trying to come up with those just to give myself a positive spin. So here goes... more time with Dax unless I find another full time job, subbing- I love being a substitute teacher and have missed the classroom so much over the last few years, exploring the possibilities of a new career or occupation (not sure this is all good but could be), maybe going back to school to add an endorsement to my qualifications or to learn a new trade, and having lots of free time... The other perk to being a teacher is that I will still have a pay check until August. This gives me a couple months to concentrate exclusively on finding new employment-- when I'm not snuggling with Dax.

If you're still reading this, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to 'listen.'

I won't know anything for sure until May 15th (possibly earlier but that's highly unlikely) will update when I know something for sure.

4 on 10

Darn it!  I just can't get my act together to do a REALLY good job at these 10 on 10 things. Yesterday on March 10th my reminder went off on my cell phone while I sat in the parking lot of ESD 101 waiting for a class to start. I was on the south hill by 7:50 in the morning- for those of you that don't know, that's like an hour and half drive from my house plus about 30 minutes to drop Dax off with Gigi and Papa. I was up at 5:30! I also spent more time driving yesterday that actually moving around or taking fun pictures for sure. I should have been better, lord knows I could have and should have taken more pictures but 4 is an improvement over last month... sorry they aren't more exciting... but here you go... BRING ON THE CELL PHONE CAMERA PICTURES :p

7:54am this morning called for a BIG Starbucks drink! Sitting in the parking lot of ESD waiting for Lynnette to get there so I didn't have to walk in by myself 

 10:22am In class at ESD- BEST CLASS I've taken in a LONG time! Lynnette and I almost jumped out of our seats a couple times because we were so excited about how we could use what we are learning!

11:39am  I WON a door prize! I never win anything :) Discovery channel own Discovery Education which is the streaming program we went to class to learn more about! So cool! Can't wait to put what we learned to good use!

5:25pm This is Dax and Great Grandma Gregerson looking at his 'fishies' at GiGi and Papa's house. Dax just loves them because he controls the stream of bubbles. I got a very sweet picture of them from behind too but like this one the best. :)

That's it... I'll try to be better about this in April... one step at a time right? 

TODAY is my Grandma Gregerson's birthday! I feel so very grateful to have my grandmas still here to be able to watch Dax grow up. Last night we did a lot of talking about grandparents around my Mom and Dad's table. It was a great reminder of how blessed we are to have three living great-grandmas to love Dax. Is it silly that I didn't REALLY know my great grandparent's names? We always call them Great Grandma and Grandpa Gregerson and Great Grandma and Grandpa Gilberts. I knew George and Minnie's names but for some reason had no idea grandma's parents were Oscar and Bessie. I love sharing stories from my Dad's childhood and Mom's too. I did get teared up a couple times thinking about how much I wish Grandpa Gregerson (and the other grandpa's and grandma) had been there to share his memories and to have Dax sit on his lap. At least Dax got to snuggle with Grandma Gregerson last night :) I do love that!

Happy Birthday Grandma! Here's to many, many more!!