loss

Isn't it strange how just when you think nothing could go wrong it does. This past weekend one of our family friends died. It was a tragic death and one that will be with many people for a very long time. I won't mention his name because I don't think that is right or fair to his family. And really this blog isn't about this one occurance.

When I found out about this persons death I was actually on facebook. I was stunned. Floored. Crushed. And my first thoughts went to my Dad. My Dad is such a great guy and worked very closely with this guy. They even commuted together this winter. My Dad, like many other people, has lost many people in his life. I have gotten to tell him twice about two of his friends dying. When I found out about our friend this first week all I could think was I CAN'T TELL MY DAD, I can't do it again. My parents were up camping and I was afraid they hadn't found out yet. I was afraid I was going to have to tell my Dad AGAIN that one of his friends is no longer with us. All three have been from tragic accidents. Nothing anyone expected to happen.

When I was a freshman in high school I came home with the news that one of my friends dads and my Dad's friend had been killed in a logging accident. Two years ago I was home sick from work when I got the call that one of my friends dads and again, one of my Dad's friends was killed in another logging/trucking accident. Both times I remember what my Dad said to me when I broke the news. When I was a freshman he called me a liar. I had no idea how to react to that. It was the reaction he should have had and the one I would have if one of my friends died. I wished I was a liar at that point. I will never forget sitting in that funeral and watching my Dads shoulders move up and down while he was crying several rows in front of me.

Two years ago I was at my parents house feeling icky so I didn't go to work. I answered the phone and it was a dear family friend who was surprised to hear my voice on the line. She then told me that our other friend was no longer with us. I remember sobbing in the phone. When Dad got home I asked how his day was then told him I was going to ruin it. This time he didn't call me a liar, he said that sucks, what happened and we both cried.

I hated, hated being the one to pass that news onto my Dad but I also didn't want him to find out any other way. Finding out on facebook (not that he has one), in a public place caught off guard or just by random accident is not the way to find out your friend is gone.

After I got off facebook Sunday I wanted so badly to jump in the car and go to camp but with a baby that wasn't really a good idea and I really didn't want to ruin the weekend. Instead I messaged a friend at camp and had my Mom call me. Someone needed to at least have a heads up of what had happened. When Mom called she said Unfortunately I already know why we're talking. While I was still so upset it felt like a weight was lifted. I didn't have to find the 'right words' anymore. There are no right words.

I have wanted to write something on here about this since Sunday but I didn't know what to write because if anyone who knew these people better than I did read this I didn't want them to think I was makin light of the situation or make it about me. It's not.

My thoughts and prayers are with our friends family. I wish there was a way to ease their pain.