struggling...

This week I find myself struggling with the unknown of my job. I am such a planner and not knowing week to week if I'll have any kind of employment is really testing my faith and happy-nature. For the last month and a half I've been working temporarily as a academic advisor. I really like this position- lots of problem solving, trying to help parents find the right curriculum for their children and (as we've decided is a good quote) 'making the system work for the child, not the child work for the system.'

My struggle is remembering that there is a plan that is bigger than me for my life. Knowing that all of this uncertainty is happening for a reason. I can keep telling myself this but my heart isn't listening. It's painful to know that I have put the last 5 years into my teaching position and feel like I was thrown to the side like a bag of garbage.... I know this isn't how it really happened but sure feels like it sometimes.

The other struggle I have is the anticipation of next week... next week is when I would be going back to school.... if I had a contract... I don't even know for certain if I'll have my academic advisor position next week... it's hard... it makes me want to cry thinking of it....

That being said... I'm still hopeful. Or at least I try to be hopeful that I will have a teaching position of some kind in the coming months. It's looking like months at this point and not weeks. BUT if someone else in the 'powers that be' position tells me again how 'hopeful' THEY are I may SCREAM! It's easier to be hopeful for someone's position when YOU already have a job...